Oh, that is just so gay

….and when it’s a case this asinine, there IS something wrong with that.

We here at SMU are not even remotely homophobic, given that the bulk of evidence strongly supports the contention people are born gay. That would be like being “heterophobic”: stupid and irrational. Being gay may not be that common but it certainly is biologically normal, so get over it, ya weenies.

Having said that, even numerous members of Canada’s uber-concious LGBT community think Lorna Pardy is immensely full of shit.

The B.C. woman’s story is outlined in Canada’s National Post today. She has helped run a Vancouver restaurant into the ground after Pardy, who is gay, was heckled there by a comedian. It’s a comedian witnesses say she was heckling and insulting for several minutes as well, but we digress.

Here's a solution to the problems of over-sensitive lesbian hecklers, like Vancouver's Lorna Pardy: only hire gay comedians, like Ellen DeGeneres or Rosie O'Donnell! That way, when they make jokes about lesbians, no one will be offended! In fact, let's never mix people together who are different. Let's keep all the colors separate, the genders, the sexual identities. Good grief, what a bunch of horseshit.

She admits restaurant owner Salam Ismail is not a homophobe. She admits he is not a bad man and he was not even in the room when she was heckled. Nevertheless, she brought a human rights tribunal complaint against Ismail, claiming she should be awarded damages for pain and suffering.

The backlash against Ismail from the gay community shut down his restaurant , which until that point had actually hosted a night specifically for Vancouver lesbians — the homophobic bastard! — and has left Ismail with $13,000 in debts. His legal fees are now being paid by his brother, a city businessman.

So, just a case of poor judgment, perhaps, on Pardy’s part, particularly given that witnesses said her group was heckling the comedian (and his mother)  viciously prior to the incident? Ismail must have some role, right?

Uh, nope. In her own words: “”He wasn’t there at all,” she testified yesterday. “I didn’t see him anywhere.” She also said the restaurant owner was “nice” and “not the target” of the protests that …. shut his restaurant down.

Soooo, when a civil court would likely laugh her all the way home, she instead….takes it to a B.C. human rights tribunal?!?

Next week on Jerry: Parents of children who sue after getting wet at theme parks

Lesbian ban prevents friskiness on prom night.

In a startling discover, a Mississippi board of education has uncovered the secret to saving kids from sexual hijinks on Prom Night: banning Lesbians.

Well, Ok, the board just banned a lesbian kid from being a lesbian kid at the prom. But really, what other purpose could it serve but to uplift the moral fibre of every other kid there, no doubt preventing all sorts of immoral hijinks? Next year’s LGBT ban is expected to end punch spiking as we know it.

Unfortunately, the kid miscreant in question, one Constance McMillen, took umbrage to the board’s doubtless deeply scientific discovery of the impact of lesbianism, and is suing for abridgment of free speech.